1. LOVE-BOMBING
In the early stages of a relationship, a narcissist will inundate you with affection, compliments, and extravagant promises that create the illusion of a perfect future. This whirlwind romance or intense friendship lures you in, making you feel unique and valued, but it’s a calculated strategy designed to secure control over you.
Recognizable Signs: They rush things, declare their love or loyalty dramatically, and insist you are “different” from everyone else. When their behaviour eventually shifts, you may find yourself clinging to the memory of this idealised version, blaming yourself for the change.
What You Should Do: Slow the pace down. Genuine relationships develop over time. Focus on consistency rather than just intensity.
2. TRIANGULATION
Narcissists thrive on creating competition and insecurity among those around them. They may compare you to others, subtly criticise you while praising someone else, or drag people into private matters to make you feel sidelined. Their goal is to cultivate division and keep everyone competing in their favour.
Recognizable Signs: You may start to feel jealous or inadequate, constantly comparing yourself to others and questioning your self-worth. They will stir chaos and position themselves as the “peacekeeper.”
What You Should Do: Resist the temptation to compare yourself and set firm boundaries. Please do not get involved in their drama; recognise it as manipulation rather than a reflection of your value.
3. BLAME-SHIFTING
When faced with accountability, a narcissist will deftly deflect responsibility, twisting situations to make you feel guilty or at fault. Whether blaming you for their mood, their failures, or their mistreatment of you, they aim to keep you second-guessing your reality.
Recognizable Signs: You often feel like you’re tiptoeing around, apologising for situations that aren’t your fault, and questioning your reactions.
What You Should Do: Stand your ground. Please stick to the facts and do not let them steer the conversation with their emotional manipulation.
4. PLAYING THE VICTIM
Narcissists frequently cast themselves as victims, portraying their lives as filled with unfair treatment, difficult circumstances, or the cruelty of others. This ploy garners sympathy and diverts the focus away from their harmful actions, making you feel guilty for holding them to account or for setting healthy boundaries.
Recognizable Signs: You feel pity for them, even when their behaviour is harmful. They often use phrases like, “You don’t understand how hard my life is,” to justify their actions.
What You Should Do: While empathy is crucial, do not allow their victim narrative to overshadow your need for respect and fairness.
5. PROJECTION
Narcissist often projects their negative behaviours or feelings onto you. If they’re unfaithful, they’ll constantly question your loyalty; if they lie, they’ll accuse you of dishonesty. This strategy confuses you and distracts you from their misdeeds.
Recognizable Signs: You feel defensive, find yourself explaining your actions, and question if you are genuinely at fault.
What You Should Do: Identify projection as the deflection tactic it is. Stay composed, and do not accept blame that isn’t yours.
6. DEVALUATION
After trapping you, the narcissist will shift from idealisation to devaluation. They will criticise, belittle, or demean you subtly or overtly. This could take the form of backhanded compliments, incessant nitpicking, or outright insults, gradually eroding your self-confidence.
Recognizable Signs: You may begin to believe that you can’t do anything right, and their opinion of you seems to fluctuate unpredictably.
What You Should Do: Acknowledge that their behaviour is about their need for control, not their worth. Cultivate your confidence by seeking validation from within or through supportive relationships.
7. DISMISSAL OF YOUR FEELINGS
Narcissists often downplay or outright dismiss your emotions, making you feel as though your concerns are exaggerated or invalid. Phrases like “You’re overreacting” or “Stop being so sensitive” are common. Over time, this leads you to suppress your feelings and prioritise their needs over your own.
Recognizable Signs: You feel silenced or hesitant to share your feelings for fear of ridicule.
What You Should Do: Remain firm in your emotions. Your feelings matter, and a healthy relationship encourages open and respectful dialogue.
8. FAKE APOLOGIES
Though a narcissist may issue apologies, they typically come laden with conditions or excuses. Statements like, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or “I’m sorry, but you made me do it,” are designed to maintain their control while giving a false impression of accountability.
Recognizable Signs: You sense that their apologies lack sincerity and leave you feeling unresolved.
What You Should Do: Demand genuine accountability, and don’t accept apologies that come with strings attached—recognise that genuine remorse does not shift the blame back onto you.
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